Relationships are difficult, and that includes friendships. How do you know when you’re treading on toxic friendship territory? Here are 10 not so obvious signs that you’re in a friendship that may be taking a toll on your mental health.
1. You feel like you’re in competition
A friendship should be like working in a team. You have my back and I have yours. In a healthy friendship, you know without a doubt that your friend is your on your side and supports you. However, when it turns toxic, you’ll notice your friend trying to one-up you, even if it’s for the littlest things. If you purchase a new pair of sneakers, they must get the flashier, more expensive one to outshine you.
2. Attempted control
Control comes in different forms. A common method is gaslighting. That’s right, it’s not just reserved for romantic relationships. If you notice your friend trying to change you to fit the type of “friend” they want you to be, it’s a sign that you’re in a toxic friendship. Another method is isolation. They will try their hardest to isolate you from making new friends or force you to dump others in your friend circle so they can have you all to themselves.
3. Unexplained stress
Have you ever felt stressed when you’re hanging out but can’t explain why? Your mind, body, and soul are subconsciously telling you that the person you’re friends with is not good for you. It’s not always easy to spot right away, but over time you’ll see that the immense stress you feel will only happen in certain situations. For instance, if you begin to dread picking up the phone when you see their caller ID pop up on your phone, it’s a sign.
4. They try to embarrass you
It’s common to have some friendly teasing every now and then. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. You’ll notice that they will not shy away from crossing the line, even if it hurts you. Sometimes it happens when the two of you are alone, other times they’re shaming you in public. Sure, accidents can happen. But, if you try to resolve the issue and they continue egg you on, they may not be the best friend for you.
5. Guilt trips
Do you have trouble saying no to this friend? Do they have a bad attitude if you don’t do what they want? That’s emotional blackmail. They want to control your actions by acting cold towards you until you give in. For example, if they want to hang out and you want a solo mental health day, they will be upset with you until you get dressed and walk out the door. This is because naturally, we as humans aim to please and we often fall victims to situations like these.
6. They don’t celebrate your success
Have you ever been so excited to tell your friend about something amazing happening in your life and they just don’t seem to have any interest? It can stem from jealousy or simply just not caring. But in any case, that behavior is not common if they are truly your friend. If you get a raise or promotion and your friend brushes you off, take it as a sign. You deserve recognition for your success and support for your accomplishments.
7. Exclude You From Details of Their Life
A friendship is a two-way street. Conversations should be mutually inclusive. As easy as it is to spot when someone is only talking about themselves, it can be somewhat difficult to notice when you’re the only one sharing information. Ask a few questions to see how they respond. A friend depends on you just as much as you depend on them. So, if you start feeling left out of their life, take a deeper look at your friendship.
8. Non-constructive Criticism
It’s okay when friends tell you things about yourself to help you improve. But, it can quickly turn into harsh criticisms that are meant to hurt your feelings. For example, you can be trying on clothes with your friend in the dressing room and they start commenting on how poor everything looks on you. There comes a point where people will knock you down just to raise themselves up.
9. Lack of Trust
All relationships are based on trust. When it’s no longer there, your friendship is practically non-existent. Common signs include them becoming unreliable and always letting you down. Whether it’s missing a scheduled hang out for the 5th time or not supporting you when you need them most, it’s a sure sign that your friendship is becoming toxic and you no longer trust them.
10. You Start to Hate Yourself
Do you feel uncomfortable about yourself when you’re around them? It can feel like you’re no longer the person you once knew. You’re no longer yourself, especially when you’re around them. If you find yourself hating the person you see in the mirror, it may be time to look into your relationship. When you’re in a healthy friendship, you won’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
Toxic friendships are tough, especially if the signs are not crystal clear. Some relationships can be spared, so it’s worth a shot. Talk it out with your friend and be honest with your feelings. A simple conversation can do wonders. See what is happening on their side and be empathetic to what they have to say. Share your feelings and see how the conversation develops. You will come out stronger, with or without your friend.